The 911 Handbook
Study Guide Answers
Lesson 5 Chapter 5
When You Can't Forgive Someone: Who Is In Your Dungeon?
Answers are written in italics
Read Matthew 18: 23-30.
Why do you think the first slave forgot how much he was forgiven ($50 million)?
He focused his attention on the person who owed to him, rather than how much he had been forgiven.
First, We base our forgiveness on what God has done for us, rather than on what the person has done to us.
What do most people base their forgiveness of others upon?
Most people base their forgiveness upon the degree of injury. Small injury is not that hard to forgive, large injury is difficult to forgive.
Explain how Christ's death on the cross changed our perspective on how we view others and what they may have done to us.
Forgiveness is based upon what Christ has done, rather than the offender has done. Jesus died for the sin that was committed against us. So forgiveness isn't what the person has done to us, but what Christ has done to pay for that sin. When we hold unforgiveness, we are saying in effect, "Jesus, I don't want you to die for this sin."
Discuss the analogy between the $15 debt and the $50 million debt.
If God forgave me a $50 million debt, I can forgive a $15 debt. If I have $50 million, it is easy for me to give away $15.
Second, We must let God heal our past wounds.
Discuss the story about the boy sitting on a bumble bee. How this applies when we have been hurt by someone.
When we don't forgive, we think we are hurting them more than they are hurting us. Forgiveness begins when we get up off the park bench. God won't relieve us of our pain if we seek to inflict pain on others.
Third, We need to feel compassion for the person who hurt us.
The king felt compassion of the slave. Discuss how feeling compassion for a person can move us to forgive.
We can't forgive if we feel anger toward the other person. Feeling compassion for the person motivates us to have mercy and forgive.
How can we gain compassion for the person who hurt us?
We must see the real needs inside the other person. Perhaps the person is hurting inside and needs compassion. That person may be on his or her way to hell, and he or she needs an example of Christian love.
Fourth, We choose to pay off the debt the person owes us.
When the king forgave the slave, he paid off the debt himself. What does it mean to "pay off the debt" when we forgive someone?
Debts don't disappear. Someone has to pay them off. When the king forgave the slave, he paid off the debt himself. To "pay off the debt" means we quick expecting them to make things right.
What is the proof that we have done this?
We stop choking them, trying to get them to repay.
Fifth, We stop replaying the hurt on the screen of our minds.
What does it mean to hit the "play" button on the VCR in our minds?
It means to recall the memories of the wound.
How does replaying the hurt cause the pain to be multiplied worse than the original wounding?
We experience the painful feelings each time we replay the tape. The offense occurred once, but replaying the tape 100 times multiplies the pain 100 times.
How can we "erase the tape" in our minds?
Once we have forgiven the person, we make a decision to not remember the offense again.
Sixth, We must release the person from our prison.
The king forgave and released the slave from the debt. Forgiveness is not complete until you release the person from the dungeon of your soul. Discuss how it takes an act of the will to release someone out of your prison.
Forgiveness is not based upon feelings, but an act of the will. You must decide to release the people out of the dungeon of your soul.
Explain how releasing people from the dungeon of your soul sets you free.
When we whip others inside the dungeon of our soul, we torment ourselves on the inside. When we release them, we set ourselves free from the torment.