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Golf Wisdom

I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

--Joke du Jour cited on Good, Glean Funnies List

Fred Drops Dead

A husband came home from playing golf. He told his wife, "You won't believe what happened today. Fred was playing with us and dropped dead on the 10th hole."
"That's terrible!" she said.
"You're telling me," he replied. "From holes 10 to 18, it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred . . ."
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations,

Golf & Marriage

A husband and wife were eating dinner.  She was obviously upset about something, but he didn't know what.
"Honey, what's wrong?" he asked. "You can tell me."
"Well," she replied, "If you really want to know--I'm sick and tired of you playing golf every weekend and leaving me home alone.  All you think about is golf, golf, golf."
"Don't be silly," he replied. "Golf is the farthest thing from my mind. Now would you please pass the putter?"
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations,

Two Smart Golfers

Two guys were playing golf when they spotted some boys fishing along the creek.  One golfer scoffed, "Look at those idiots fishing in the freezing rain!"

Cross Reference:

Seeing It Before It Happens