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Choosing Your Advisors

          Two bums, both broke and destitute, were sitting on a park bench. One said, "I'm a man who never took advice from anybody." 

          The other bum said, "Shake, old buddy. I'm a man who followed everybody's advice!"  If we are not selective in choosing our counselors, it will lead to our ruin. (Kent Crockett, The 911 Handbook, Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2003, 130)

I Hate Advice

“I hate advice unless I’m giving it.” --Jack Nicholson, actor Reader’s Digest, April 2004, p.73

The Migraine Headache

          A woman was heavily burdened with problems and decided to go see a counselor. She explained, "I've got so many problems they are giving me a migraine headache." 

          The counselor said, "Please sit down and tell me about it."

          She sat down and began to unload her problems for three hours. When she was finished, she said, "I feel so much better now. My headache has disappeared!" 

          The counselor replied, "No it hasn't. I've got it now." (Kent Crockett, The 911 Handbook, Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2003, 167)

Trying to Get Free Advice

        A doctor and lawyer were at a party. The doctor said, “You know, Barry, I hate it when people come up to me at a party and start asking me to diagnose their health problems. Then they expect me to give them free advice instead of coming to my clinic. What do you do when that happens?”

        The lawyer said, “I send them a bill the next day saying: ‘Fees incurred at party last night--$45.’ That stops it every time.”

        “That’s a great idea,” the doctor said. “I’ll try it.”

        Two days later the doctor received a bill in the mail: “Fees incurred at party last night--$45.”

Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations,

Cross Reference:

Human Guinea Pigs

Wearing a Teflon Attitude