The Perfect Pastor
The ideal pastor preaches exactly 20 minutes. He condemns sin, but never hurts anyone's feelings. He works from to , and also serves as the church janitor. He makes $40 a week, wears good clothes, and donates $30 a week to the church. He is 29 years old and has 40 years of experience. He is both tall and short, thin and heavyset, and has one brown eye and one blue eye. He makes 15 house calls a day and is always in his office.
If your pastor does not measure up to these criteria, send this list to six other churches that are also dissatisfied with their pastor. Then, bundle up your pastor and send him to the church at the top of the list. In one week you will receive 1,643 pastors. Surely one of them will be perfect. Have faith in this letter. One church broke the chain and got its old pastor back in three months.
The Tradition of the Cotton Ball
If you shake a new bottle of aspirin it will sound differently than you might remember. For nearly 100 years, the Bayer Corporation placed a white cotton clump in each bottle until they discovered the aspirin would hold up fine without the extra cushion.
Chris Allen, Bayer’s vice president of technical operations, said, “We concluded there really wasn’t any reason to keep the cotton except tradition. Besides, it’s hard to get out.” (Leadership, Winter 2006, p.15)
If a tradition in a church isn't serving a valid purpose, it needs to be removed like the cotton in the aspirin bottle. Traditions usually consume people's time, effort, and money that can be better used to fulfill a new work that God wants to do. --Kent
"When the horse is dead--dismount!" --Rick Warren
Build Your Church
Build your church to attract God, not people.
Cruise Ship or Battleship?
A church can either be a cruise ship or a battleship. On a cruise ship, everyone expects to be waited on and entertained. On a battleship, everyone is trained for a specific job and works with others as a team. Is your church a cruise ship or a battleship?
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations www.kentcrockett.com
Don't let whiners get their way
Advice to Pastors:
"You cannot surrender the leadership of your church to whiners." --Rick Warren
Troublemakers in Church
The most trouble is produced by those who don't produce anything else. --Unknown
Eyeing the clothes
Some people go to church to eye the clothes. Others go to church to close their eyes. --J. Vernon McGee
Blessed are the peacemakers
Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers," not "blessed are the troublemakers." --Kent Crockett www.kentcrockett.com
Definition of a Troublemaker
A troublemaker is a man who can rock the boat and persuade everybody there's a terrible storm at sea. --Unknown
Used to be on fire
Some churches that used to be on fire are now just filled with a lot of smoke.
Name That Church
The church humor magazine "The Door" facetiously announced these newly formed churches:
The Short-Term Pastor Center
Seldom United Church
New Wife Fellowship
Church of the Perpetual Building Program
Comfortable Pew Family Center
Legalistic Bondage Assembly
Twist-and-Shout Revival Center
--John Green, "Newly Formed Churches" The Door, March-April 2000, p.15
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, www.kentcrockett.com
Why Some People Fight Their Pastors
"If you want to make enemies, try to change something" --Woodrow Wilson