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The Sure Cure For Worry Slaying Your Giants Pastor Abusers Book


The Perfect Pastor

The ideal pastor preaches exactly 20 minutes.  He condemns sin, but never hurts anyone's feelings.  He works from 8 AM to midnight, and also serves as the church janitor.  He makes $40 a week, wears good clothes, and donates $30 a week to the church.  He is 29 years old and has 40 years of experience.  He is both tall and short, thin and heavyset, and has one brown eye and one blue eye.  He makes 15 house calls a day and is always in his office.


If your pastor does not measure up to these criteria, send this list to six other churches that are also dissatisfied with their pastor. Then, bundle up your pastor and send him to the church at the top of the list.  In one week you will receive 1,643 pastors.  Surely one of them will be perfect.  Have faith in this letter.  One church broke the chain and got its old pastor back in three months.

The Tradition of the Cotton Ball

If you shake a new bottle of aspirin it will sound differently than you might remember.  For nearly 100 years, the Bayer Corporation placed a white cotton clump in each bottle until they discovered the aspirin would hold up fine without the extra cushion. 
Chris Allen, Bayer’s vice president of technical operations, said, “We concluded there really wasn’t any reason to keep the cotton except tradition.  Besides, it’s hard to get out.”  (Leadership, Winter 2006, p.15)
If a tradition in a church isn't serving a valid purpose, it needs to be removed like the cotton in the aspirin bottle. Traditions usually consume people's time, effort, and money that can be better used to fulfill a new work that God wants to do. --Kent

Dead Horse

"When the horse is dead--dismount!" --Rick Warren

Build Your Church

Build your church to attract God, not people.
(Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, )

Cruise Ship or Battleship?

A church can either be a cruise ship or a battleship. On a cruise ship, everyone expects to be waited on and entertained.  On a battleship, everyone is trained for a specific job and works with others as a team.  Is your church a cruise ship or a battleship?
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations

Don't let whiners get their way

Advice to Pastors:
"You cannot surrender the leadership of your church to whiners." --Rick Warren

Troublemakers in Church

The most trouble is produced by those who don't produce anything else. --Unknown

Eyeing the clothes

Some people go to church to eye the clothes. Others go to church to close their eyes. --J. Vernon McGee
(Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, )

Blessed are the peacemakers

Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers," not "blessed are the troublemakers." --Kent Crockett

Definition of a Troublemaker

A troublemaker is a man who can rock the boat and persuade everybody there's a terrible storm at sea. --Unknown

Used to be on fire

Some churches that used to be on fire are now just filled with a lot of smoke.
(Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, )

Name That Church

The church humor magazine "The Door" facetiously announced these newly formed churches:
The Short-Term Pastor Center
Theology-Free Church
Seldom United Church
New Wife Fellowship
Church of the Perpetual Building Program
Comfortable Pew Family Center
Legalistic Bondage Assembly
Feelgood Fellowship
Twist-and-Shout Revival Center
--John Green, "Newly Formed Churches"  The Door, March-April 2000, p.15
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations,

Why Some People Fight Their Pastors

"If you want to make enemies, try to change something" --Woodrow Wilson

Cross Reference:

The Consequences for Refusing to Change

But, did I hear that correctly?

Division is Having Two Visions

It Is Not Always the Devil

Definition of Loneliness

A Moving Sermon

3 Kinds of Believers

Living in the Present

Identifying the Enemy

Useless Keys on Your Key Chain

Agree to Disagree

How to Spell Unity

How to Unify a Church

If Not in Unity

Not Twin Brothers

Sticking Together

Two Better Than One

Unity and Diversity

What Unites Also Divides

The Vision of a Church

Voting vs. Vision