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Theological Definition of Baptism

A little boy was asked in Sunday School to explain baptism.
He said, "It's when the preacher holds you under water and you think about Jesus!"

When Can I Get Advertised?

A little boy asked Rick Warren, pastor of Saddleback Church in California, "When can I get advertised?"
He meant "baptized" but he made the right point--baptism is advertising that you're a Christian.

Redneck Baptism

A man, a woman, and a redneck were scheduled to be baptized.  The man was baptized first. When he came out of the water, he said, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want!"
Then the woman was baptized. She came out of the water and said, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"
Now it was the redneck's turn.  He didn't know any verses from the Bible, so when he came out of the water he yelled, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Making Pickles

"You don't make a pickle by taking a cucumber and sprinkling a little vinegar over it. You immerse it." --Harold J. Seymour